Once upon a not too long ago, a little girl named Maddie was featured in this column. Maddie’s rendition of Crinkle, Crinkle, Little Star opened the heart-warming topic that induced many readers to recall the precious malapropisms their children came up with as they meandered from infancy to toddler-hood to college. The column went on to say that we must grieve and complete those changes in our children, lest we lock them in and stunt their growth.
Maddie’s at it again, or should I say, still. I have a dog named Max. He actually comes to work every day at the Grief Recovery Institute. He is a Hungarian Vizsla – a very emotional breed – so Max is perfect to work at an organization dedicated to people’s reactions to loss.
My niece Maddie and my dog Max have become good pals. Two and a half year-old Maddie and four year-old Max are a good match, even though he outweighs her by a good deal.
Maddie refers to Max as MaxTheDog. One word, not three. I went to visit Maddie the other day and the first thing she said to me was, “Where’s MaxTheDog?” No “Hi, Unca Russew”; no hugs and kisses; just, “Where’s MaxTheDog?”
Maddie has a picture of MaxTheDog which sits at her eye level on the fridge, held in place by one of those magnets. The other day, she took the picture off the fridge and brought it to me and asked, “Where’s the REAL MaxTheDog?” I almost fell off my chair.
As Maddie evolves I am reminded that the only constant is change.
The key to success in life is an ability to deal with the inevitable losses that will happen. We cannot freeze our world and our lives to be perfect and unchanging. Maddie will outgrow her toddler ways. Her daddy and the others who love her will have to adapt as she moves forward. To freeze her would be to smother her.
It is the same with all of the changes, large and small, that affect our lives. We must adapt, as painful as it sometimes seems. The essence of recovery from loss is our ability to accommodate and complete our relationships to the changes that must occur for life to move on.
By Russell Friedman
John W. James and Russell Friedman are co-founders of The Grief Recovery Institute Educational Foundation, and co-authors of The Grief Recovery Handbook and When Children Grieve, both from HarperCollins. The Institute and thousands of affiliates throughout the United States and Canada offer a variety of programs for grievers. Additional information is available by calling 888-773-2683 or on the web at www.grief.net. To view previous media related articles please go to www.grief.net/Media/MediaIndex.html. Eric Cline is Director of Canadian Operations.